My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
