I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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