I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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