If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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