You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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