FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
