instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
