my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
