I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize