i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
