well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
