Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
