i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
