remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
