i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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