youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
