I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize