Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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