That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
