ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
