vagina is talking i cant
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
