I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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