All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
