We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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