Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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