The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think your dad took our porno
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
