I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
