Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
