I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
