Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
