I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize