Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
