Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She told me I should be a condom model.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
