Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
