i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
