i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
