I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
