I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
