awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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