when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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