She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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