wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
