I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
