I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
