You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
