He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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