Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
