I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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