I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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