so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
