Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
