I will die if light touches me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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