these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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