i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
