I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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