do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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