Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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