wakey wakey hands off snakey
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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