i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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