Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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