i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
