I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
