is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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